Yet one more #faceofdepression...

"Anna, are you okay? You sound depressed"... I could never forget these words Apro, my dearest Apro, told me back in early 2014. "I'm fine. Just tired"... I hung up, looked on East London from my 28th floor and felt such anger deep inside. Like, how the hell you tell me I sound depressed?! I'm not that kind of person. People with mental issues should be out of this world sort of creatures. They sure look and act different, but I do act like an ordinary human. I must be just tired as it's my last year in university... How wrong was I back then...


Earlier this year I was officially diagnosed with endogenous depression. A depression that is caused by inner factors, rather than outer ones, for example, problems at work or personal life and so on. To be more precise, my case is about failure in the operation of the certain brain receptors. Therefore, my serotonin system works not as usually. But ever since the beginning of 2018 I've been using antidepressants that so far helped me a lot.


Have to say tat my way to this medication and the recognition of the fact that am really seriously depressed was quite long. It seriously took me about a year to accept the fact it's only antidepressants that will help me in this situation. I was so afraid it will make my condition worse and make me suicidal on one hand and was so sure I should get out of this  myself on the other hand. Moreover, it took me long to accept the fact I'm deep into depression and it will only got worse if I don't act now.


At some point I felt like something should be seriously changed. I was so tired most of the time and was tired of sticking to life I was exposed to, or got used to actually. Plus it was the situation with Chester and a wave of stories people (should point out it helped me a lot to accept myself in this condition) who showed their faces of depression. I remember sitting in front of my mental guru after reading one of such articles and I did burst into tears. That was sure the moment I realized I do need serious help. 


And that is why I actually decided to start sharing my own depression story on the blog. I remember being so deep into depression and not realizing what is going on with me. I remember having an episode of depression back in school days. I remember having this stupid view on depression and whole mental thing earlier. I remember all those fears I experienced over past years...


I realized there should be so many people having the same thing and being afraid to undertake this serious step into cure as they think others might not understand. I realized there is a huge misunderstanding of what it all looks and feels like. Therefore, I decided to share my own story, my experience with meds and therapy and so much more. At the end of the day, if I can bring a little positive change in this world why shouldn't I use the chance, right?


Photo: T. Egorova


Yet one more #faceofdepression...

"Anna, are you okay? You sound depressed"... I could never forget these words Apro, my dearest Apro, told me back in early 2014. "I'm fine. Just tired"... I hung up, looked on East London from my 28th floor and felt such anger deep inside. Like, how the hell you tell me I sound depressed?! I'm not that kind of person. People with mental issues should be out of this world sort of creatures. They sure look and act different, but I do act like an ordinary human. I must be just tired as it's my last year in university... How wrong was I back then...


Earlier this year I was officially diagnosed with endogenous depression. A depression that is caused by inner factors, rather than outer ones, for example, problems at work or personal life and so on. To be more precise, my case is about failure in the operation of the certain brain receptors. Therefore, my serotonin system works not as usually. But ever since the beginning of 2018 I've been using antidepressants that so far helped me a lot.


Have to say tat my way to this medication and the recognition of the fact that am really seriously depressed was quite long. It seriously took me about a year to accept the fact it's only antidepressants that will help me in this situation. I was so afraid it will make my condition worse and make me suicidal on one hand and was so sure I should get out of this  myself on the other hand. Moreover, it took me long to accept the fact I'm deep into depression and it will only got worse if I don't act now.


At some point I felt like something should be seriously changed. I was so tired most of the time and was tired of sticking to life I was exposed to, or got used to actually. Plus it was the situation with Chester and a wave of stories people (should point out it helped me a lot to accept myself in this condition) who showed their faces of depression. I remember sitting in front of my mental guru after reading one of such articles and I did burst into tears. That was sure the moment I realized I do need serious help. 


And that is why I actually decided to start sharing my own depression story on the blog. I remember being so deep into depression and not realizing what is going on with me. I remember having an episode of depression back in school days. I remember having this stupid view on depression and whole mental thing earlier. I remember all those fears I experienced over past years...


I realized there should be so many people having the same thing and being afraid to undertake this serious step into cure as they think others might not understand. I realized there is a huge misunderstanding of what it all looks and feels like. Therefore, I decided to share my own story, my experience with meds and therapy and so much more. At the end of the day, if I can bring a little positive change in this world why shouldn't I use the chance, right?


Photo: T. Egorova

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